


Today

by myspookyjoshdunchristmas



Series: (Joshler) It's Angsty And Just Gets Worse [10]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Comfort, Crying, Depression, Holding Hands, Hope, Hurt, Loneliness, Losing the will to live, M/M, Sadness, Starvation, joshler - Freeform, the universe - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 08:56:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9431651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myspookyjoshdunchristmas/pseuds/myspookyjoshdunchristmas
Summary: Today Josh is thinking about all the people that have walked in and out of his life.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [leooX](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leooX/gifts).



> Sorry for being so offline, things just build up and get in the way. 
> 
> I'm fighting frens, I'm trying my best. 
> 
> My 30th work is dedicated to one of the most amazing people I know, LeooX. 
> 
> If it wasn't for you, I don't know where I would be right now. 
> 
> Goodnight and sleep tight my best fren, I know you are asleep right now <3 dream sweetly, sleep peacefully |-/
> 
> Thank you Leo,

Today Josh is thinking about all the people that have walked in and out of his life.

Ones that could have potentially been his best friends, ones that were his best friends and the ones he classed as being his brothers. 

They were nothing but memories now. Obviously, they didn't want to keep their promises to stay in touch and to never forget about him.

It only made Josh think to the point where he over thought everything. Did people really want to be his friend? Was there something wrong with him? Was Josh simply not good enough to keep as anything?

It hits him everyday.

Especially now, whilst he's washing the dishes, music on full, eyes brimming with tears. 

What did he ever do wrong to lose all those people? 

He just wanted friends, affection, someone to think about him every now and then. 

Why exactly did his friends never see him anymore? Why did his phone never blow up with notifications like all of his class mates? 

 

 

Josh's passion was to be a drummer, his parents were never supportive of him to go down that road in life. 

So no drum kit. 

I guess it was okay. He could always draw, write, make beats with his fingers, tapping away at anything he felt like but that wasn't the same. 

So when everything piles into his head. 

The drums.

Friends.

People.

It creates an unnecessary whirlpool of thoughts in his mind and causes meltdowns and break downs.

 

Josh doesn't want to listen his music anymore. Its not speaking to him like it used to. So he stopped listening to stuff and decided to lean on watching the television. 

Spongebob can only amuse someone for so long. He hates it, what his life was coming to.

The male hated the mornings, he hated getting dressed, he hated washing himself up, he hated writing, drumming, being creative because there was no point. He convinced himself that no one would see his talent. 

That he was just an insignificant speck of dust.

 

Today, Josh is sat on his balcony crying. 

He's realised today what he has stopped doing.

The genuine smiles he used to give people, had gone. They're were all empty ones, forced and small ones. Even to his family, to his siblings. He masked his pain behind a mask.

Josh stopped eating properly. 

 

Whether it was Taco Bell or Burger King or his moms food, Josh stopped eating as a whole. It only went as far as a few bites and that's it. His mouth didn't want to chew, and his stomach didn't want to hold it. There was nothing more he could do. 

Yeah, it sucked when the clock struck midnight and he was ravenous, even then he still didn't want to eat. For Josh it was mostly just drinking coffee, water or juice, nothing more. 

Josh stopped making an effort on himself. He didn't like to wake up to the world. If it was his choice, he would stay in his bed all day and all night, dream of things that he wished were true. He didn't like to shower, it's not that he didn't want to, he didn't have the strength to.

The male was feeling as if he was already half dead inside. His eyes heavy every moment of everyday. 

Brain pounding heavily inside his head, breathless every moment he was alone.

He wanted to be alone.

 

His face glimmered in the star light as the tears streamed down his face that night. 

He was hurting and no one cared. He had no friends that cared right now. Josh's family didn't care.

It was a wail now, hands covering his face, sobbing uncontrollably, feeling the weight of the loneliness on his shoulders. 

It was scary to be lonely.

It's then, a hand lands on his shoulder.

 

"Oh Josh." He says, walking forward, squatting before the crying male who's sat on a chair. 

The hand goes and this time tries to peel the hands from Josh's wet face.

"T-Tyler?" Josh says and stutters, shaking, not because of the cold. 

"P-please g-go Tyler, I don't d-deserve y-your friendship." He splutters and keeps his eyes shut, sobs escaping. 

"Hey Josh, why not?" Tyler asks in a soothing voice, using his thumbs to rub the backs of Josh's small hands. 

"I'm destructive Tyler, everyone has left me, no one acknowledges me, I'm n-non-existent." Josh sniffles, tilting his head back, contemplating on whether he should open his eyes. Were they worthy enough to look at Tyler's beauty?

"Hey hey, look at me Josh, listen to me at least. I love you, okay? You are amazing, you're the most selfless person I know." Tyler begins. 

"I stopped letting people into my life Josh, but letting you in was the best thing I ever did." Tyler says smiling.

"But no one wants to know me anymore Tyler, I'm a loser, a no one, I don't deserve to have a life, I wasn't worth giving birth to." Josh stuttered, finally opening his red eyes.

"I feel like I always do wrong and let you and everyone else down. I don't feel like living Tyler, all the small things I've given up on. I'm not me and I hate it. I wanna disappear."

"Hey hey! Don't you dare disappear on me Josh, the world is a cruel place full of cruel people. We can't let them win by giving up. We need to fight, to stand up, to learn that life is just more than people. I know I take a lot of things to heart but we're human, we can't help it. Let's look at everything else. Admire the Earth's natural beauty, the way the stars twinkle at night, the way the moon glows to direct the lost. The trees that sway majestically everyday, the flowers that grow to add colour to our lives. The animals and creatures that live between us everyday, the Earth is wonderful Josh, just some of the people make it hard for us to see." 

Josh looks at his and Tyler's hands together, taking in the information. 

Tyler was right, he had to see things from a different perspective. See what others don't see, acknowledge the beauty amidst them. 

 

Today, Josh is looking at the stars with Tyler holding his hand, remembering that there's so much more than just humans to the universe and that's it's all beautiful. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I'm so grateful for you all, please stay alive |-/


End file.
